reinventingmysoul:

Ed,

            I’m sitting here trying to think of something to say to you and every time I type out a sentence I delete it. I feel like everything that has happened I can’t write out in words, I can’t describe it. I can recap what happened. I can ask you questions. But I don’t believe I will ever get the answers. I don’t think either of us really knows.

You protected me for a long, long time and I thank you for that.

 You held my hand when I was crying, and you calmed me down when I was panicking. You knew just what to do. But somewhere along the way you drifted. You stopped being my friend. You stopped being there and you became my boss. I know now, what its like to be your slave. I know what its like to work for you and all I can say is that I have one hell of a work ethic and you violate pretty much ethical standard there is. You’re a very controlling ‘boss.’

            I don’t understand why you’ve taken everything and even though were fighting and not getting along why you just wouldn’t give it back. I miss my friends. I miss just being and not being with you whether were fighting or not. Im sick of you taking everything that is mine. I’ve asked you countless times to give them back, and while you dangle them in front of my face you never quite release them.

            I’ve tried to leave you. I’ve tried to abandon you. And now im going to. I cant live the way you want me to, I cant be the person you want me to be. I cant be a number because im not a fucking number. I cant look in the mirror and see who you want to see because im not that girl. We’ve tried it your way. We’ve eaten 100 calories a day. We’ve exercised for four hours a day. We’ve lost twenty-two pounds and we did everything you had set out. I gave you my hair!!! I gave you a new body. I gave you a try and it didn’t work. You took everything else to try and make it how you wanted it. My friends, my family, my grades, my personality etc,etc. But you still never got what you wanted. You never can and you never will.

            So now im seriously asking you to please just leave me alone. I understand that you may not give me back my old life. I understand that im probably going to have to create a new one, because I don’t want any of it to remind me of you. Im leaving you. I’m abandoning you, and this is me saying goodbye.

            Im saying goodbye to your comfort. Im saying goodbye to your familiarity. Im saying goodbye to your rules and your games. Im saying goodbye to your promises and im letting go of the things you wrecked. Im saying goodbye to all of the false ideals you’ve given me, and im moving on.

            I understand that I will miss you sometimes. I understand that for awhile its gonna suck and its going to be really hard to stick to this promise ive made to myself – to leave you, but im gonna do it. What more do either of us have left to gain? Our time is up, its time to keep going.

 

 I don’t really know what to say, or how to say this but, goodbye, Ed.